From hour to an hour,
From minute to a minute,
From second to a second...
It goes on forever,
And it doesn't want to stop,
I keep feeling that pain in my stomach...
Suffering, pain, tears, fear and...loneliness,
On every step...
On every step all that awaits for me,
And I can't do anything,
Nothing, nothing at all,
Apart from giving up,
Everything fucking hurts...words,punches,stares in my direction,
I'm not able to function normally any more,
It's too much already.
I can't stand it mentally and physically...
***
I know exactly when he comes.
I know the exact time.
I know when and why,
I know for what he comes, and I know what's his goal.
And that's the worst part...
For 8 years
He never forgot, he never came late.
He never smiled, he never talked.
That's the only time that I see him.
I don't know why he does that.
Does it give him pleasure?
Does he release his stress that way?
Does he have serious problems and he forgets that way?
I would understood if he drank or took drugs - It would be obvious that he does it under the effect of alcohol or drugs.
But no.
He doesn't even smoke.
He takes care of himself and his health - since forever.
Unlike him, our father would get into addiction for sure, only if he wouldn't get my mom pregnant accidentally, he would have spent all his life in front of TV or in a bar. Life without responsibilities, worries or a problem called "family" - It would be perfect for him.
The only possible escape would be...
...mother.
But unfortunately.
It's hard to talk to her on a serious topic. She says some bullshit about stress-free raising, about how she loves us and how we should love the rest of the world. Sometimes I get a feeling that she was a 100% hippie in her previous life. Or that isn't a feeling, it's something I'm sure of.
I don't like talking with her. That woman isn't serious for me.
But when I want to go to her - I can.
But I'm rarely such a desperate teenager.
But I started to see those problems with a double impact after that situation.
I don't know what has happened at that time.
When I was little I didn't understand it - and I don't understand it till now...
"- I wonder what has happened, right teddy? - I asked my teddy bear - Mr Shaggy.
Parents shouted badly. At each other and at Itachi. And Itachi at them.
I wanted to go there and see what's going on, but I felt that dad will be angry, because he once said that "Little people will have many more not nice situations in their life and they should stay in their room". Every time he said that he kissed my forehead.
Lately he said that that more often, because they were fighting more.
I heard something smash and my mother scream.
I got scared, it sounded as if someone smashed 100 vases.
I hid under my blanket.
But...Mom always says that it's important to be brave!
So I got out of bed and I walked towards the doors.
I saw Itachi. He was very mad. He went to his room and slammed his doors.
I felt sorry for my brother.
I always wanted to be like him. Smart, cheerful and handsome.
Once he was angry, I hugged him and he smiled - Maybe now he will smile too?
I walked out of my room quietly, so my parents wouldn't notice. I opened the doors to my brother's room.
He sat on bed with his back facing towards me.
-Itachi... - I said - What happened?
He stood up and grabbed my arm very hard,
- Fuck off already! I'm tired of you, do you hear me?! I'M SICK OF YOU! Always smiling and happy you son of a bitch!! - He shouted at me and slapped me in my face with all his strength.
I fell over. ,,
I only remember that it hurt very badly and when I stood up I ran away to my room.
It was the first time. The first time that Itachi has hit me.
And now?
Now it happens everyday.
And he doesn't limit himself to swearing and slapping my cheek.
Now it's a nightmare...
"I recall" all that and I treat my hand.
What has happened to me?
A moment ago Itachi was here - So you know already...
Like always - He came and left.
He did what he wanted and left, now I'm sitting here alone and I'm wondering - why?
Why he comes from day to day and he hurts me, beats me up and destroys me - destroys physically and mentally...
***
-Sasuke, honey , have you packed your things? - My mom asked with a smile on her face
- Not yet - I said bluntly, and I haven't even looked at her
- Then hurry honey, because soon we have to go!
- Ok - I said while putting last pair of trousers inside of my bag.
We are moving out.
I can imagine It already - new house, new people and new school. Then it's better to just kill me already.
I wonder what will people there think of me? I was known as an orphan here, maybe they will come up with something more original?
But there's one advantage of packing - Itachi is busy and he didn't come today.
But tomorrow he will surely catch up.
Like always...
Next chapter
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